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Just so you know, I like you way more than all of those douche-bags that just wrote on your facebook wall. I mean come on; I bought you a piece of folded paper.
Yes, that was "Birthdays" in the plural. Please consider this your birthday card for the next five years.
I found the funniest birthday card I've ever seen.inside:
Unfortunately, it was 25 cents more than this one and I didn't really see the point.
For your birthday, I'd like to get you anything your heart desires.inside:
Unfortunately, the only thing that the human heart desires is blood. And I think if I got you a bag of blood it would be kind of gross, right?
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAYinside:
Mom, I don't tell you this enough, but there are only a few mothers out there that I like more than you.
THE MOST INSULTING BIRTHDAY CARD EVERinside:
Hey, Happy Birthday, Dick Face. What did you expect? You read the front of the card, right?
Dad, I've always liked you more than Mom.inside:
Of course I'm kidding. But it's Father's Day and it seemed like the right thing to say.
Happy Birthdayinside: (The type fills the entire inside of card - both sides)
Oh no, all of this type fills the card and there's no place for me to write something personal about our friendship. I was gonna write something about that time we did that thing. Damn it, it was gonna be so good. Maybe I'll write about it on the back of this card. Yeah, I'm definitely going to do that. Flip over the card and let's get the nostalgia started.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON I'VE EVER KNOWN.inside:
I'll be honest; I bought this card for myself. But my birthday's not for a while, so I'll just buy myself another one when the time comes.