All Birthdays

#254

I can't wait to be within six feet of you again.

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#155

Because to be honest, you’re reaching that age where it’s just not funny anymore.

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#242

But let's just say it's no accident that I got you a card with a dinosaur on the front. Happy Birthday.

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#243

I got you this card for one of three reasons: 1)You're my boss 2) Your name is boss 3) You're kind of bossy and this is my passive aggressive way of telling you to stop being that way.

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#259

I went with the card, because I didn’t have to shower for that.

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#091

I'm sorry this isn't very personalized. I wasn't sure who in the family I was going to give it to.

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#183

Not because of drinking. Old people just forget things.

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#167

Of course, you'd have to explain to people that you've had a very hard life, and that's why you look so much older than a normal 29-year old.

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#244

Sorry I'm giving you this card before your actual birthday. I didn't want you to think that Facebook reminded me.

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#018

Sure the card says "from us," but I think we both know who bought the card and who just signed their name.

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#058

That's right. Most cards just say, "Happy Birthday." This one says, "Very Happy Birthday," because I care more than everyone else.

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#245

That's why people are giving you cards and stuff. You're getting kind of old, so I wasn't sure you would understand what's going on.

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#256

When this whole Coronavirus thing is over, let’s both agree not to mention my weight gain.

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#194

You really are an amazing human being. Trust me, I know a little something about being amazing.

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#092

And that's why I also got you that green envelope. I hope you didn't rip it.

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#158

And that's your birthday gift. Happy Birthday.

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#078

But haven't we all? It's just weird how it's so much more obvious on you. Oh yeah, Happy Birthday.

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#184

But in all honesty, your number is getting ridiculously high.

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#221

But just for the normal amount of time. I’m not like obsessing or anything.

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#191

But to be honest, I liked celebrating it more when you were younger and more fun.

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#057

Congratulations on being born. Nice work.

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#195

Either that or my eyes are getting worse every year. Wait. That's it. Never mind. Happy Birthday.

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#126

Finally, a ranking on how much people care about you on your birthday. The Official Guide.

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#116

I'll be honest, I bought this card for myself. But my birthday's not for a while, so I'll just buy myself another one when the time comes.

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#020

I'm kidding, you're like my 3rd best friend, but they don't sell cards that say that.

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#147

If you're a little girl -- I got you this card because you're amazing. And if you're an actual Princess -- I didn't get you a gift, because come on, what do you get a princess?

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#174

Let's grab a drink sometime.

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#070

Part of me calls you my special friend because you're special to me. But part of me also calls you that because it makes it sound like you have an extra chromosome.

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#132

Spoiler alert: you die at the end.

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#131

Sure, they had a card that said, "Happy Birthday, young friend." But when I told them how old you were, they wouldn't let me buy it.

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#206

Testicles are definitely not one of them. Happy Birthday

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#006

The inside of this card gives you instructions on how to act when you read it. (i.e. Laugh, cry, mouth the words "thank you") - it's funnier than this description. I promise.

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#252

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

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#102

Unfortunately, this is not one of those cards. But man, everyone loves those, right?

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#251

We'll be friends for the rest of our lives.

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#048

Well, it might not be the best birthday card ever, but it's definitely the most confident.

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#068

Well, you and the other 19 million people in the world who are celebrating their birthday today. That's right. I Googled it.

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#046

And that's a huge part of why I didn't get you anything. Happy Birthday, though.

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#230

Bappy Hirthday! Dammit, I've even worse than I thought.

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#134

Happy Birthday - Super thoughtful card.

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#179

HB - Greatest Person in the world was born today

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#232

Hey, second best isn't bad. After all, it's not like you were ever gonna beat me.

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#080

I can't believe you're a year older. - Until I look at you.

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#217

I went with this one.

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#096

I'm not gonna lie to you; this card is way later than you think. It's actually for your birthday in 2002.

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#071

I'm sorry I missed your birthday/Horrible

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#095

If I weren't sincere, I probably would have just written on your Facebook wall.

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#218

In fact, every year that you have a cake, you can eat it. That’s how cake works. Happy Birthday.

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#248

Man, I sure hope you said, "Just a greeting card."

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#022

May you live to be a thousand

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#250

Not like the #1 best person I know. But, you know, one of them.

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#168

Of course, I'm kidding. I hope you have a great birthday. I just wanted this card to stand out from the others.

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#114

Oh no, all of this type fills the card and there's no place for me to write something personal about our friendship.

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#247

Oh, never mind. You didn't even noticed that "You're" was misspelled on the front. But Happy Birthday anyway.

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#215

Well, another year older.

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#228

Which is good, because when we first met, I wasn't very impressed by you. Happy Birthday.

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#019

You're One in a Million

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#229

Alright, I get it. You were born. Do we really have to do this every year?

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#066

At first I thought this card would piss you off. But then I thought maybe you'd like it because it's about you.

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#216

But then I remembered that I don’t know how to write songs, and greeting cards only cost a few dollars – so I went with a greeting card. Hey, Happy Birthday.

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#143

Everything I've ever wanted to say...

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#127

Happy Belated Birthday - Sorry I missed your birthday.

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#233

Happy Birthday Mother F*cker - Just kidding.

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#161

Happy Birthday to my favorite parent.

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#192

Happy Birthday to the best person I know.

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#169

Happy Birthday, Alice.

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#145

Happy Birthday, Mother Fucker!!!

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#115

Happy Birthday. - Way more than those D-Bags

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#193

Happy Birthday? - Not a mistake.

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#172

Have a magnificent birthday.

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#186

HB - Happy 30th/ You'd be in the 24th grade

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#007

I can't believe it was just _____ years ago today that you squeezed your way out of your mother's vagina.

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#044

I can't believe you're 30. - Only 30

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#197

I hope you have a FANTASTIC Birthday!

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#207

I'm 100% serious. I really do hope you have an amazing birthday. I was nervous that this card would come off as sarcastic, because you never fucking get me a card on my birthday..

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#208

If you had my face and my body, you'd really be something. Happy Birthday.

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#231

Let's get together soon...

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#069

Make a wish before you blow out your candles.

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#045

May you have 50 more. But let's not count on it, okay?

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#219

No, I’m just kidding. Birds don’t talk. It was a human being that told me.

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#203

Of course, I'm kidding. Could you imagine if YOU were the best person I knew? What would that say about me? But I definitely want to wish you a happy birthday.

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#220

Shoot, now that I watch you read this card, I feel like it was someone else that really liked folded paper.

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#113

The most insulting birthday card EVER

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#083

There are worse things that getting older

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#065

This is your birthday card.

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#001

Wow, 40 years old. If this were the 1700's, you'd be dead.

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#146

You haven't aged in 10 years.

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#133

Anything want for your birthday.

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#222

Except for that one about the Vietnamese girl and all those ping pong balls.

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#111

Funniest birthday card I've ever seen.

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#004

Happy 23rd Birthday. The first insignificant birthday of your life. 16 - Driver's License, 17 - R-Rated Movies, 18 - Graduate HS, 19 - Last teenage year, 20 - You're in your twenties, 21 - Drink/Gamble, 22 - Graduate college, 23 - NOTHING

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#159

Happy B-Day!

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#130

Happy Birfday

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#059

Happy Birthday - Are you reading this card?

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#196

Happy Birthday - You look amazing for your age.

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#082

Happy Birthday to Yu.

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#157

Happy Birthday. - This card is blank on the inside.

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#107

Happy Birthday. - _____ years young

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#110

Happy Birthdays - Birthdays in the plural.

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#180

HB - Let's get naked and celebrate your birthday

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#185

HB - This birthday card is not late/early for next

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#002

I can't believe I just paid three bucks for a birthday card you can't even read. Happy Birthday, kid. You owe me three bucks when you hit puberty.

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#205

It's your birthday, you know what that means

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#204

It's your party and you can cry if you want to.

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#171

Let's celebrate YOU on your birthday.

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#123

May you have the best birthday ever...

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#122

Of course, I'm kidding. You're not lazy.

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#170

We all wanted to let you know that we care...

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#079

You're Amazing, Happy Birthday.

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#104

You're Not Getting Old. - Been old for a while.

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#124

Almost bought you the perfect gift.

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#005

And by "value our friendship," I mean I'm never going to sleep with you. Happy Birthday.

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#112

Anything your heart desires.

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#050

Happy Birthday - Third World Country

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#034

Happy Birthday - Close enough friends?

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#023

Happy Birthday - I may have only gotten you a card

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#103

Happy Birthday! - Yay, only zero more years...

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#035

Happy Birthday, I guess

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#049

Happy Birthday. - Celebrate your life

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#064

Happy Birthday. Sorry that I didn't get you anything.

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#148

Happy Birthday. This card cost me $3.25.

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#144

Happy Birthday. You still look so young.

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#181

HB - Happy Birthday, Phil

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#182

HB - Happy Birthday. Have you gained weight?

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#093

I can't believe it's your birthday

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#021

I hope you have a great birthday

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#156

I wasn't sure what to get you / Inherit someday

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#090

I'm so happy you were born.

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#094

It's your birthday and I couldn't be happier.

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#106

May you get your birthday wish. - Something small

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#135

Today we celebrate your birth. - Well groomed

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#234

But remember, I'm paper and paper covers rock. So I'm still a little better than you.

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#040

Worlds 9th best Dad - A couple crucial mistakes.

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#210

You make me so happy.

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#246

Dear _________, Happy ___________!!! Love ____________

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#142

The Perfect Greeting Card

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#173

Everything I know I learned from you.

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#047

Birthdays only come around once a year.

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#212

You are the love of my life and the best thing that's ever happened to me.

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B-009

B-009 - You've aged - But haven't we all?

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B-011

B-011 - Happy Birthday, Family Member.

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B-015

B-015 - Thank You - No room to write

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B-017

B-017 - HB from the most thoughtful person in the world.

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B-018

B-018 - Happy Birthday, Old Friend.

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B-024

B-024 - Happy Birthday, Princess.

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B-032

B-032 - The Perfect Greeting Card

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B-034

B-034 - Not gonna make a joke about your age this year.

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B-039

B-039 - HB - You could easily pass for 29.

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B-054

B-054 - You look better every year.

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B-058

B-058 - Testicles are definitely not one of them. Happy Birthday.

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B-060

B-060 - Congratulations on being born. Nice work.

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B-063

B-063 - I went with this one

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B-064

B-064 - But just for the normal amount of time. I'm not like obsessing or anything.

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B-001

Happy Birthday / Instructions

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B-002

Happy Birthday from Us

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B-004

Happy Birthday to my Best Friend.

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B-047

Here's to a Birthday You Probably Won't Remember

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B-006

The best birthday card ever / Most Confident

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B-007

Very Happy Birthday / I care more

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B-005

You're a hard person to shop for.

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B-012

B-012 - So much more than just a card / Envelope

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B-013

B-013 - Fantastic birthday / Facebook wall

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B-014

B-014 - Everyone Loves a Birthday Card with Money Inside.

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B-021

B-021 - Special Friend

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B-022

B-022 - I can't believe you're a year older / Until I look at you

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B-040

B-040 - HB - I hope you have a terrible birthday.

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B-051

I love celebrating your birthday

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B-048

Remember Age is just a Number

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B-010

B-010 - Happy Birthday to Yu.

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B-019

B-019 - Everything I've ever wanted to say

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B-020

B-020 - HB to the most self-centered person

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B-035

B-035 - Happy Birthday to my Favorite Parent.

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B-041

B-041 - HB - Happy Birthday, Alice

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B-052

B-052 - Happy Birthday to the best person I know

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B-057

B-057 - Of course, I'm kidding. Could you imagine if YOU were the best person I knew? What would that say about me? But I definitely wish you a happy birthday.

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B-059

B-059 - If you had my face and my body, you'd really be something. Happy Birthday!

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B-046

Let's Get Naked and Celebrate Your Birthday

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B-031

B-031 - Happy Birthday - Facebook/Folded Paper

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B-033

B-033 - You Haven't Aged in 10 Years

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B-036

B-036 - Happy Birthday Co-Worker

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B-042

B-042 - HB - Let's celebrate YOU.

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B-045

The Greatest Person in the World was born TODAY

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B-008

Today is YOUR day. - And the other 19 million

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B-023

B-023 - Your Life Is Like A Movie.

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B-037

B-037 - Happy Anniversary/Once every Century

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All Birthdays