All Birthdays

#254

I can't wait to be within six feet of you again.

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#155

Because to be honest, you’re reaching that age where it’s just not funny anymore.

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#242

But let's just say it's no accident that I got you a card with a dinosaur on the front. Happy Birthday.

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#260

Happy 18th Birthday/Go vote you little shit.

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#243

I got you this card for one of three reasons: 1)You're my boss 2) Your name is boss 3) You're kind of bossy and this is my passive aggressive way of telling you to stop being that way.

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#259

I went with the card, because I didn’t have to shower for that.

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#091

I'm sorry this isn't very personalized. I wasn't sure who in the family I was going to give it to.

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#183

Not because of drinking. Old people just forget things.

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#167

Of course, you'd have to explain to people that you've had a very hard life, and that's why you look so much older than a normal 29-year old.

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#244

Sorry I'm giving you this card before your actual birthday. I didn't want you to think that Facebook reminded me.

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#018

Sure the card says "from us," but I think we both know who bought the card and who just signed their name.

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#058

That's right. Most cards just say, "Happy Birthday." This one says, "Very Happy Birthday," because I care more than everyone else.

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#245

That's why people are giving you cards and stuff. You're getting kind of old, so I wasn't sure you would understand what's going on.

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#256

When this whole Coronavirus thing is over, let’s both agree not to mention my weight gain.

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#194

You really are an amazing human being. Trust me, I know a little something about being amazing.

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#092

And that's why I also got you that green envelope. I hope you didn't rip it.

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#158

And that's your birthday gift. Happy Birthday.

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#078

But haven't we all? It's just weird how it's so much more obvious on you. Oh yeah, Happy Birthday.

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#184

But in all honesty, your number is getting ridiculously high.

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#221

But just for the normal amount of time. I’m not like obsessing or anything.

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#191

But to be honest, I liked celebrating it more when you were younger and more fun.

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#057

Congratulations on being born. Nice work.

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#195

Either that or my eyes are getting worse every year. Wait. That's it. Never mind. Happy Birthday.

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#126

Finally, a ranking on how much people care about you on your birthday. The Official Guide.

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#116

I'll be honest, I bought this card for myself. But my birthday's not for a while, so I'll just buy myself another one when the time comes.

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#020

I'm kidding, you're like my 3rd best friend, but they don't sell cards that say that.

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#147

If you're a little girl -- I got you this card because you're amazing. And if you're an actual Princess -- I didn't get you a gift, because come on, what do you get a princess?

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#174

Let's grab a drink sometime.

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#132

Spoiler alert: you die at the end.

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#131

Sure, they had a card that said, "Happy Birthday, young friend." But when I told them how old you were, they wouldn't let me buy it.

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#206

Testicles are definitely not one of them. Happy Birthday

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#006

The inside of this card gives you instructions on how to act when you read it. (i.e. Laugh, cry, mouth the words "thank you") - it's funnier than this description. I promise.

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#252

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

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#102

Unfortunately, this is not one of those cards. But man, everyone loves those, right?

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#251

We'll be friends for the rest of our lives.

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#048

Well, it might not be the best birthday card ever, but it's definitely the most confident.

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#068

Well, you and the other 19 million people in the world who are celebrating their birthday today. That's right. I Googled it.

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#046

And that's a huge part of why I didn't get you anything. Happy Birthday, though.

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#230

Bappy Hirthday! Dammit, I've even worse than I thought.

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#134

Happy Birthday - Super thoughtful card.

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#179

HB - Greatest Person in the world was born today

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#232

Hey, second best isn't bad. After all, it's not like you were ever gonna beat me.

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#080

I can't believe you're a year older. - Until I look at you.

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#217

I went with this one.

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#096

I'm not gonna lie to you; this card is way later than you think. It's actually for your birthday in 2002.

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#071

I'm sorry I missed your birthday/Horrible

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#095

If I weren't sincere, I probably would have just written on your Facebook wall.

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#218

In fact, every year that you have a cake, you can eat it. That’s how cake works. Happy Birthday.

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#248

Man, I sure hope you said, "Just a greeting card."

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#022

May you live to be a thousand

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#250

Not like the #1 best person I know. But, you know, one of them.

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#168

Of course, I'm kidding. I hope you have a great birthday. I just wanted this card to stand out from the others.

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#114

Oh no, all of this type fills the card and there's no place for me to write something personal about our friendship.

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#247

Oh, never mind. You didn't even noticed that "You're" was misspelled on the front. But Happy Birthday anyway.

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#215

Well, another year older.

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#228

Which is good, because when we first met, I wasn't very impressed by you. Happy Birthday.

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#019

You're One in a Million

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#229

Alright, I get it. You were born. Do we really have to do this every year?

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#066

At first I thought this card would piss you off. But then I thought maybe you'd like it because it's about you.

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#216

But then I remembered that I don’t know how to write songs, and greeting cards only cost a few dollars – so I went with a greeting card. Hey, Happy Birthday.

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#143

Everything I've ever wanted to say...

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#127

Happy Belated Birthday - Sorry I missed your birthday.

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#233

Happy Birthday Mother F*cker - Just kidding.

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#161

Happy Birthday to my favorite parent.

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#192

Happy Birthday to the best person I know.

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#169

Happy Birthday, Alice.

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#145

Happy Birthday, Mother Fucker!!!

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#115

Happy Birthday. - Way more than those D-Bags

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#193

Happy Birthday? - Not a mistake.

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#172

Have a magnificent birthday.

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#186

HB - Happy 30th/ You'd be in the 24th grade

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#007

I can't believe it was just _____ years ago today that you squeezed your way out of your mother's vagina.

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#044

I can't believe you're 30. - Only 30

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#197

I hope you have a FANTASTIC Birthday!

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#207

I'm 100% serious. I really do hope you have an amazing birthday. I was nervous that this card would come off as sarcastic, because you never fucking get me a card on my birthday..

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#208

If you had my face and my body, you'd really be something. Happy Birthday.

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#231

Let's get together soon...

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#069

Make a wish before you blow out your candles.

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#045

May you have 50 more. But let's not count on it, okay?

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#219

No, I’m just kidding. Birds don’t talk. It was a human being that told me.

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#203

Of course, I'm kidding. Could you imagine if YOU were the best person I knew? What would that say about me? But I definitely want to wish you a happy birthday.

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#220

Shoot, now that I watch you read this card, I feel like it was someone else that really liked folded paper.

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#113

The most insulting birthday card EVER

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#083

There are worse things that getting older

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#065

This is your birthday card.

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#001

Wow, 40 years old. If this were the 1700's, you'd be dead.

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#146

You haven't aged in 10 years.

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#133

Anything want for your birthday.

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#222

Except for that one about the Vietnamese girl and all those ping pong balls.

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#111

Funniest birthday card I've ever seen.

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#004

Happy 23rd Birthday. The first insignificant birthday of your life. 16 - Driver's License, 17 - R-Rated Movies, 18 - Graduate HS, 19 - Last teenage year, 20 - You're in your twenties, 21 - Drink/Gamble, 22 - Graduate college, 23 - NOTHING

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#159

Happy B-Day!

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#130

Happy Birfday

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#059

Happy Birthday - Are you reading this card?

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#196

Happy Birthday - You look amazing for your age.

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#162

Happy Birthday co-worker / Folded Paper

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#082

Happy Birthday to Yu.

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#157

Happy Birthday. - This card is blank on the inside.

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#107

Happy Birthday. - _____ years young

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#110

Happy Birthdays - Birthdays in the plural.

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#180

HB - Let's get naked and celebrate your birthday

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#185

HB - This birthday card is not late/early for next

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#002

I can't believe I just paid three bucks for a birthday card you can't even read. Happy Birthday, kid. You owe me three bucks when you hit puberty.

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#205

It's your birthday, you know what that means

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#204

It's your party and you can cry if you want to.

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#171

Let's celebrate YOU on your birthday.

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#123

May you have the best birthday ever...

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#122

Of course, I'm kidding. You're not lazy.

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#170

We all wanted to let you know that we care...

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#079

You're Amazing, Happy Birthday.

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#104

You're Not Getting Old. - Been old for a while.

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#124

Almost bought you the perfect gift.

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#005

And by "value our friendship," I mean I'm never going to sleep with you. Happy Birthday.

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#112

Anything your heart desires.

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#050

Happy Birthday - Third World Country

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#034

Happy Birthday - Close enough friends?

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#023

Happy Birthday - I may have only gotten you a card

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#103

Happy Birthday! - Yay, only zero more years...

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#035

Happy Birthday, I guess

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#049

Happy Birthday. - Celebrate your life

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#064

Happy Birthday. Sorry that I didn't get you anything.

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#148

Happy Birthday. This card cost me $3.25.

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#144

Happy Birthday. You still look so young.

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#181

HB - Happy Birthday, Phil

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#182

HB - Happy Birthday. Have you gained weight?

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#093

I can't believe it's your birthday

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#021

I hope you have a great birthday

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#156

I wasn't sure what to get you / Inherit someday

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#090

I'm so happy you were born.

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#094

It's your birthday and I couldn't be happier.

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#106

May you get your birthday wish. - Something small

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#125

Oprah's Favorite Birthday Card

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#135

Today we celebrate your birth. - Well groomed

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#234

But remember, I'm paper and paper covers rock. So I'm still a little better than you.

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#040

Worlds 9th best Dad - A couple crucial mistakes.

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#210

You make me so happy.

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#246

Dear _________, Happy ___________!!! Love ____________

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#142

The Perfect Greeting Card

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#173

Everything I know I learned from you.

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#047

Birthdays only come around once a year.

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#212

You are the love of my life and the best thing that's ever happened to me.

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B-009

B-009 - You've aged - But haven't we all?

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B-011

B-011 - Happy Birthday, Family Member.

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B-015

B-015 - Thank You - No room to write

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B-017

B-017 - HB from the most thoughtful person in the world.

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B-018

B-018 - Happy Birthday, Old Friend.

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B-024

B-024 - Happy Birthday, Princess.

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B-032

B-032 - The Perfect Greeting Card

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B-034

B-034 - Not gonna make a joke about your age this year.

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B-039

B-039 - HB - You could easily pass for 29.

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B-054

B-054 - You look better every year.

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B-058

B-058 - Testicles are definitely not one of them. Happy Birthday.

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B-060

B-060 - Congratulations on being born. Nice work.

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B-063

B-063 - I went with this one

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B-064

B-064 - But just for the normal amount of time. I'm not like obsessing or anything.

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B-001

Happy Birthday / Instructions

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B-002

Happy Birthday from Us

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B-004

Happy Birthday to my Best Friend.

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B-047

Here's to a Birthday You Probably Won't Remember

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B-006

The best birthday card ever / Most Confident

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B-007

Very Happy Birthday / I care more

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B-005

You're a hard person to shop for.

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B-012

B-012 - So much more than just a card / Envelope

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B-013

B-013 - Fantastic birthday / Facebook wall

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B-014

B-014 - Everyone Loves a Birthday Card with Money Inside.

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B-021

B-021 - Special Friend

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B-022

B-022 - I can't believe you're a year older / Until I look at you

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B-040

B-040 - HB - I hope you have a terrible birthday.

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B-051

I love celebrating your birthday

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B-048

Remember Age is just a Number

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B-010

B-010 - Happy Birthday to Yu.

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B-019

B-019 - Everything I've ever wanted to say

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B-020

B-020 - HB to the most self-centered person

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B-035

B-035 - Happy Birthday to my Favorite Parent.

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B-041

B-041 - HB - Happy Birthday, Alice

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B-052

B-052 - Happy Birthday to the best person I know

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B-057

B-057 - Of course, I'm kidding. Could you imagine if YOU were the best person I knew? What would that say about me? But I definitely wish you a happy birthday.

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B-059

B-059 - If you had my face and my body, you'd really be something. Happy Birthday!

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B-046

Let's Get Naked and Celebrate Your Birthday

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B-031

B-031 - Happy Birthday - Facebook/Folded Paper

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B-033

B-033 - You Haven't Aged in 10 Years

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B-036

B-036 - Happy Birthday Co-Worker

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B-042

B-042 - HB - Let's celebrate YOU.

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B-045

The Greatest Person in the World was born TODAY

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B-008

Today is YOUR day. - And the other 19 million

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B-023

B-023 - Your Life Is Like A Movie.

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B-037

B-037 - Happy Anniversary/Once every Century

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All Birthdays