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  • #242
    I promise I'm not going to make a joke about how old you are. But let's just say it's no accident that I got you a card with a dinosaur on the front. Happy Birthday.
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    Not Gonna Make a Joke

  • #194
    Happy Birthday to an amazing human being You really are an amazing human being. Trust me, I know a little something about being amazing.
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    Amazing Human Being

  • #018
    Happy Birthday from Us Sure the card says "from us," but I think we both know who bought the card and who just signed their name.
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    Happy Birthday From Us

  • #058
    Very Happy Birthday Very Happy Birthday
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    Very Happy Birthday

  • #091
    Happy Birthday, Family Member Happy Birthday, Family Member
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    Happy Birthday, Family Member

  • #155
    Relax, I'm not gonna make a joke about your age this year. Because to be honest, you're reaching that age where it's just not funny anymore.
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    Not Funny Anymore

  • #167
    Easily Pass For 29 Easily Pass For 29
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    Easily Pass For 29

  • #183
    Probably Won't Remember Probably Won't Remember
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    Probably Won't Remember

  • #293
    Please Please Please Please Please Please
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    Please Please Please

  • #292
    It's Your Birthday. It's Your Birthday.
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    It's Your Birthday.

  • #291
    Elementary School Elementary School
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    Elementary School

  • #290
    Black and White Black and White
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    Black and White

  • #289
    Brother From Another Brother From Another
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    Brother From Another

  • #288
    You're So Vain. You're So Vain.
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    You're So Vain.

  • #287
    Most Annoying Card Most Annoying Card
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    Most Annoying Card

  • #286
    Pre-Dead Pre-Dead
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    Pre-Dead

  • #285
    Might Not Be The Best Might Not Be The Best
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    Might Not Be The Best

  • #272
    It was sooo hard to find a card that expressed exactly how I feel right now. Long story short, I gave up after a while and I just got you this card.
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    It Was Sooo Hard

  • #250
    Happy Birthday to one of the best people I know. Not like the #1 best person I know. But you know, one of them.
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    One of the Best

  • #247
    There's no doubt about it. Your one of the smartest people I know. Oh, never mind. You didn't even noticed that "You're" was misspelled on the front. But Happy Birthday anyway.
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    Your The Smartest

  • #244
    It's almost your birthday! Sorry I'm giving you this card before your actual birthday. I didn't want you to think that Facebook reminded me.
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    It's Almost Your Birthday

  • #240
    I was going to get you this die-cut card with glitter on the front that played a high-pitched electronic sounding holiday song when you opened it. But then I flipped the card over and it was like twelve bucks. So I got you this card that describes that card in pretty good detail. I mean, you get the idea, right? Happy Holidays!
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    Die-Cut Holiday Card

  • #228
    You don't get older. You get better. Which is good, because when we first met, I wasn't very impressed by you. Happy Birthday.
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    You Don't Get Older

  • #221
    Thinking of you on your birthday. But just for the normal amount of time. I'm not like obsessing or anything.
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    Not Obsessing

  • #206
    Some things get better with age. Testicles are definitely not one of them. Happy Birthday.
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    Some Things Get Better With Age

  • #195
    You look better every year. Either that or my eyes are getting worse every year. Wait. That's it. Never mind. Happy Birthday.
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    Look Better Every Year

  • #193
    Happy Birthday? That question mark after Happy Birthday is not a mistake. I literally didn't know if birthdays were still happy for people your age.
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    Happy Birthday?

  • #191
    I love celebrating your birthday. But to be honest, I liked celebrating it more when you were younger and more fun.
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    Love Celebrating Your Birthday

  • #006
    Happy Birthday! Okay, I'm not sure if this will work, but try it. 1) Act like you're reading something personal I wrote in your card. 2) After a couple of seconds, laugh as though I wrote something very funny. In fact, tilt your head back when you laugh so it looks extremely funny. 3) Now nod your head as though i wrote something very serious and heartfelt. Maybe touch your heart and exhale, but don't make it look forced. 4) Okay, now close the card, look at me and mouth the words, "Thank you."
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    Happy Birthday/ Instructions

  • #013
    Happy Mother's Day If it's any consolation, my therapist assures me the mistakes you made in raising me were quite common.
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    Mother's Day/Common Mistakes

  • #020
    Happy Birthday to My Best Friend I'm kidding, you're like my 3rd best friend, but they don't sell cards that say that.
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    Happy Birthday to My Best Friend

  • #048
    Best. Birthday. Card. Ever. Best. Birthday. Card. Ever.
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    Best. Birthday. Card. Ever.

  • #057
    It's Your Birthday! It's Your Birthday!
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    It's Your Birthday!

  • #068
    Today Is Your Day Today Is Your Day
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    Today Is Your Day

  • #070
    Special Friend Special Friend
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    Special Friend

  • #078
    You've Aged You've Aged
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    You've Aged

  • #092
    You Deserve More Than A Card You Deserve More Than A Card
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    You Deserve More Than A Card

  • #102
    Every Loves Money Inside Every Loves Money Inside
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    Every Loves Money Inside

  • #116
    Most Amazing Person Most Amazing Person
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    Most Amazing Person

  • #126
    Birthday Rankings Birthday Rankings
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    Birthday Rankings

  • #131
    Happy Birthday, Old Friend Happy Birthday, Old Friend
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    Happy Birthday, Old Friend

  • #132
    Your Life Is Like A Movie Your Life Is Like A Movie
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    Your Life Is Like A Movie

  • #147
    Happy Birthday, Princess Happy Birthday, Princess
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    Happy Birthday, Princess

  • #158
    No Reference To Your Age No Reference To Your Age
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    No Reference To Your Age

  • #168
    Terrible Birthday Terrible Birthday
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    Terrible Birthday

  • #184
    Age Is Just A Number Age Is Just A Number
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    Age Is Just A Number

  • #232
    Happy Birthday to mom and dad's 2nd favorite child. Hey, second best isn't bad. After all, it's not like you were ever gonna beat me.
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    Mom And Dad's 2nd Favorite

  • #230
    I want to wish you a happy birthday, but I'm so bad at it. Bappy Hirthday! Dammit, I've even worse than I thought.
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    Bad at Happy Birthdays

  • #218
    This year, you can have your cake and eat it too. In fact, every year that you have a cake, you can eat it. That's how cake works. Happy Birthday.
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    Have Your Cake

  • #217
    I was in charge of picking your birthday card this year. I went with this one.
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    I Was In Charge

  • #215
    Another year older. Another year wiser. Well, another year older.
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    Older/Better

  • #019
    You're One in a Million But don't get too excited. Statistically, that means there are 6,700 people exactly like you. Happy Birthday.
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    One In A Million

  • #022
    Live To A Thousand Live To A Thousand
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    Live To A Thousand

  • #046
    You're A Hard Person To Shop For You're A Hard Person To Shop For
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    You're A Hard Person To Shop For

  • #071
    Sorry I Missed Your Birthday Sorry I Missed Your Birthday
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    Sorry I Missed Your Birthday

  • #080
    Can't Believe/Year Older Can't Believe/Year Older
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    Can't Believe/Year Older

  • #087
    Just Because Just Because
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    Just Because

  • #095
    Sincerely Hope Sincerely Hope
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    Sincerely Hope

  • #096
    Very Belated Birthday Very Belated Birthday
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    Very Belated Birthday

  • #114
    No Room To Write/Birthday No Room To Write/Birthday
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    No Room To Write/Birthday

  • #134
    Pretend To Read Pretend To Read
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    Pretend To Read

  • #179
    The Greatest Person's Birthday The Greatest Person's Birthday
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    The Greatest Person's Birthday

  • #276
    Happy Birthday to one of the biggest dicks I know. I actually bought this card for an overweight guy named Richard, but luckily it works for you too. Happy Birthday.
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    Happy Birthday Biggest Dick

  • #249
    They Don't Make And by, "they," I mean your parents. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your mom isn't producing viable eggs anymore. Happy Birthday!
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    They Don't Make

  • #233
    Happy Birthday Mother F*cker No, I'm just kidding. I know you would never have sex with your mom. But the wishing you a Happy Birthday part...I totally meant that.
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    Happy Birthday, Mother Fu*ker

  • #231
    Happy Birthday Let's get together soon and talk about the old days. You know, when you had your whole life ahead of you.
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    Happy Birthday/Get Together

  • #229
    Happy Birthday...Again Alright, I get it. You were born. Do we really have to do this every year?
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    Happy Birthday...Again

  • #220
    Loves Folded Paper I remembered that you love folded paper and that's why I got you this greeting card for your birthday. Shoot, now that I watch you read this card, I feel like it was someone else that really loved folded paper.
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    Loves Folded Paper

  • #219
    A little birdie told me it was your birthday. No, I'm just kidding. Birds don't talk. It was a human being that told me.
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    Little Birdie Told Me

  • #208
    You have an amazing heart and you truly are one of the kindest people I've ever known. If you had my face and my body, you'd really be something. Happy Birthday!
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    Amazing Heart

  • #207
    I hope you have an amazing birthday! I want you to know that I'm 100% serious. I really do hope you have an amazing birthday. I was nervous that this card would come off as sarcastic, because you never get me a card on my birthday.
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    Amazing Birthday

  • #197
    I hope you have a fantastic birthday! Or at the very least, I hope you have an above average birthday. Fantastic may be aiming a bit high and I don't want you to feel disappointed.
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    Fantastic Birthday

  • #192
    Happy Birthday to the best person I know. That reminds me. I need to meet more people. Happy Birthday.
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    Best Person I Know

  • #001
    Happy 40th, Birthday! Wow, 40 years old. If this were the 1700's, you'd be dead.
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    Happy 40th Birthday!

  • #007
    Happy Birthday I can't believe it was just ___ years ago today that you squeezed your way out of your mother's vagina.
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    ____ Years Ago/Squeezed

  • #044
    I Can't Believe You're 30 I Can't Believe You're 30
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    I Can't Believe You're 30

  • #045
    Happy 50th Happy 50th
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    Happy 50th

  • #065
    This Is Your Birthday Card This Is Your Birthday Card
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    This Is Your Birthday Card

  • #066
    Self-Centered Self-Centered
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    Self-Centered

  • #069
    Make A Wish Make A Wish
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    Make A Wish

  • #083
    Worse Things Than Getting Older Worse Things Than Getting Older
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    Worse Things Than Getting Older

  • #113
    Happy Birthday, Dick Face Happy Birthday, Dick Face
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    Happy Birthday, Dick Face

  • #127
    Happy Belated Birthday Happy Belated Birthday
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    Happy Belated Birthday

  • #161
    Favorite Parent Birthday Favorite Parent Birthday
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    Favorite Parent Birthday

  • #169
    Happy Birthday, Alice Happy Birthday, Alice
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    Happy Birthday, Alice

  • #172
    Magnificent Birthday Magnificent Birthday
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    Magnificent Birthday

  • #186
    Happy 30th Happy 30th
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    Happy 30th

  • #205
    It's your birthday. You know what that means... Semen + egg = you
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    It's Your Birthday/Egg

  • #204
    It's your birthday and you can cry if you want to. But just so you know, it's going to make everyone at your party feel super uncomfortable.
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    Cry If You Want To

  • #196
    Happy Birthday! You look amazing for your age. Wait. You're 130, right?
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    Amazing For Your Age

  • #059
    Mr. Pickles Mr. Pickles
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    Mr. Pickles

  • #079
    You're Amazing You're Amazing
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    You're Amazing

  • #110
    Happy Birthdays Happy Birthdays
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    Happy Birthdays

  • #111
    Funniest Card I've Ever Seen Funniest Card I've Ever Seen
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    Funniest Card I've Ever Seen

  • #123
    May You Have The Best May You Have The Best
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