Sure, they had a card that said, "Happy Birthday, young friend." But when I told them how old you were, they wouldn't let me buy it.

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  I'll be honest, I bought this card for myself. But my birthday's not for a while, so I'll just buy myself another one when the time comes.

  $3.95

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  The inside of this card ranks how much people care about you based on what they get you for your birthday; Text Message, Facebook, E-Card, Phone Call, Greeting Card and Hand-Written letter

  $3.95

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  Well, you and the other 19 million people in the world who are celebrating their birthday today. That's right. I Googled it.

  $3.95

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  Spoiler alert: you die at the end.

  $3.95